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2/7/2007 MSN Space of the week, again?!Wow...this is a suprise! Never did I think that I would be back on the MSN Spaces list again! I didn't even know until Liz left me a comment on it! Well...I guess this means that I must be doing something right, or I wouldn't be on the list! I want to first off thank someone who unfortunately left this world last September, King Tom. Tom was a friend of mine since I started this blog, being that he went to college here in Wisconsin, he wanted to drop in and say hello! From that point on, he was a great supporter of my space here and left me wonderful comments! So, Tom, this is for you! You are certainly missed here on MSN Spaces! Rest in peace, my friend!
I want to thank everyone who has left messages for me from seeing my space on MSN Spaces.com and I thank you all for visiting here and hope you all will come back soon!
This "honor" also means I am going to have to get back to my writing soon! I will make sure I get to that, I don't want to dissapoint anyone!
I also would like to ask for prayers from anyone who wants to, for a dear friend's wife who found she has a brain tumor and will be having it removed on March 14th. I know that it is going to be a tough time for them, but they will make it through this!! Her health scare is something that has helped me to see just how important life really is, and to cherish every single moment of it.
Thanks MSN and everyone who helped me to make it to the list again...
Peace~
Paula
1/17/2007 Kids Say It Best...Ok, it's time to get back to the grind. I found these in a local newspaper and wanted to share them. It is interesting to see what kids have to say about love and relationships. When I was little, boys had cooties...it's amazing how time changes things...
How does a person decide whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
~Kelly, age 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind...That's what I'll do...I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
~Carolyn, age 8
Is it better to be single or married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan."
~Kirsten, age 10
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
~Will, age 7
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them."
~Anita, age 9
When you were a kid, how do you think you would have answered these questions?
How would you answer them now?
Peace~
Paula
1/10/2007 My Last Blog(no name)
I was wondering if you could explain your comments from your last entry. I am confused by some of the things you said. You say that people who search for love on line must be desperate. You have talked in your blog about dating guys you have met online. Have you not yourself complained about people judging you and you not being understood? So are you saying that people should be able to find the person who they want to be their "mate" in 6 months or they should just settle for something close or good enough. Is that what you did? Do you think that everyone who has a hard time meeting a mate is a loser? I also am not sure about others, but my dream guy does not sit around watching soap opera's - who has time to watch soaps anymore. Most of us have a job. I am also cringing at how hypocritical you are with your comment about married people looking for love. Are you serious?! Do I really need to say anymore on that subject? I am not saying you don't have a right to your opinions - obviously we all do BUT who are you to judge others whose stories or situations you have no idea about when you could very easily be judged yourself. I will have to agree with you on one thing - you can not believe everything you read - you have proven that to me.
Dear No Name,
Thank you so much for taking the time to point out my mistakes in my last blog regarding online dating. I would like to clairify some of these issues for you. I was trying to point out that I feel it would be more difficult for people to meet online because you are not in "direct" contact with them. For instance, you do not normally meet this person out in a real-world setting when you are out looking on a dating site instead of out in public. I know that I have met people online, and have learned my lesson from it. I feel that it is somewhat more difficult to meet someone or get to know someone well enough online, than it would be to get to know that person in public. My thoughts about dating online is that it would be very difficult to honestly get to know someone from meeting them online. There are some weird people in this world, especially looking for younger people. Pediphiles, rapists, etc. can target people on the internet and I was simply stating that is one reason I do not like online dating sites. It comes down to not knowing who is online, and who that person really is. When I hear the advertisements about finding someone in 6 months or they give you another 6 months free, I think that people don't get out anymore. I think about how dating used to be before computers, and text messaging came along. Where you found someone doing service work, or at school, or just out in the community. For me, yes...you are correct, I did look online for love. However, I also found that looking online for love was not where I needed to be. My love found me. You are incorrect in your statement however that I feel that whoever looks for love online is a loser. I don't believe that at all. I just want to let people know that there are some people out there who are scary, who may want to hurt you in someway...we don't know this until we really get to know them personally. The main reason I wrote this was due to a show I watched on television about the dangers of the internet. They discussed online dating, and one of the major topics was regarding people who have either been in jail for rape, molesting children or other adults are out there, on the internet everyday. We don't know what they look like, much less their names. This is why I wrote this.
In regards to those individuals who are online dating sites who state they are married...there is a story for each and everyone of them, that you are correct. I was wrong to judge those individuals, and for that I am sorry. I have retracted my statement and will be careful not to be judging those who I do not know, or understand. Sometimes however there are those individuals who feel that "revenge is sweet" and that making false accusations towards others is going to help them to get past the issues and conflicts in their own lives. I am sure there are husbands and or wives who are not happy in their current situation and want "something more", thus they go online to try and find someone or something to fill that need. This is why I mentioned the people who are married subject. Communication is the key to any relationship, good or bad. However, there are people online who are married that are looking for things OTHER than love. These are the individuals who I was trying to refer to when writing, however I see that it was not written to sound that way. For this, I also appoligize. Had it not been for you, I would not have caught these errors until a later time. Thank you very much I appreciate your assistance and I will be sure to watch what it is I write about and how I state the subject(s) I do write about. Sometimes, I am noticing that I write more without thinking about how I am phrasing it for others to read. I understand now that I will have to be careful of my writing and phrasing in my blogs.
From your comment, I have learned many things about my writing as well as the issues and subjects that I write about. I have also learned that if I do not want people to judge me, I have to do the same to others. Your insight has helped me greatly and I appreciate it very much. Due to your comment, I have retracted my entire blog regarding online dating and am revising it to state more along the lines of what I was trying to write than when I originally wrote. I appoligize for any negativity and confusion this may have caused.
~Peace
Paula 1/3/2007 Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a Good Date?Hello again everyone! I am back for another fun-filled blog! This one deals with different types of dating styles, rituals, and my thoughts on them. As usual, your thoughts and comments are always welcome!
Have you ever wondered what it would have been like to date back in say the 1950's? For one, there was no such thing as interracial or same-sex dating, these were taboo back in those days. For the women, it was a "wait and see" situation when the men had to ask the women out for a date! (information gathered from my grandmother and mother). Could you imagine these dating scenarios today? With the changes in the world and how people form relationships today, these scenarios seem to be very far fetched! As most of you know, in some countries there are arranged marriages. That is where your family chooses your mate! No offence to these countries, but if I was not in love with this person and cared for them deeply, I would not be walking down any isle to meet my future husband! How would someone know if this person was right for them if their parents arrange it? I would not feel right about this type of "match making". My mom has pretty good taste when it comes to men (she loves George Clooney and John Bon Jovi) but, I have also been around my mom when her "what a nice boy" geek radar is on. That is a scary thought. I think there is something in each of us that helps us to find that person in our life who we wish to spend the rest of our lives with.
Now, I have been on some very, very bad dates. As I am sure most of us have. However, I wonder what we see in that other person, or why we even decide to go on a date with them if we in some way new it was going to end up bad? I remember one date I was on where I met the person at a local resturaunt for dinner. He was so sweet and charming it could have turned me into a diabetic! I like sweet and charming, but there is a line between sweet and diabetic shock. He was pouring on the charm thicker than A-1 steak sauce! I could just see this date going right down the tubes, but I wanted to give it time, just incase he was just nervous...ha, ha, ha. Nervous was not really the right word...try more like living with his mother, addicted to Star Trek, desperate for a real life kind of situation. Yea, it was really that good people! I did not know him very well, but after I found out that he was 30 years old, still lived at home with his mother (in the basement), collected Star Trek memorabilia, and worked as a computer repair man, I had to stop the date right there. Now, I enjoy watching Star Trek once in a while. However, I do not have every single episode ever created memorized word for word like he did. This scares me just a little bit....I kindly told him I had to go, and proceeded to exit the building.
Granted, this wasn't a horrid date...but it was definately not the best. He just wasn't my type. I like a guy who is outgoing, fun, can make me laugh, who isn't afraid to cry once in a while, and preferrably doesn't still live with his mother...
If I had to go back in time, I don't know if I would like dating in the 50's or not. I am sure it would be fun, with sock hops, and drive in movie theathers, but having to wait for a guy to ask me out, I don't have the patience for that. I would be the one asking! Which I am sure would have been a big "no no" back in the day. Not only that, but I have no problem with people who are a different race than me. In fact, I think there are some FINE looking gentlemen who are African American! I have no problem with any of the other races either. They are all human, just like me. My friend Jackie married a wonderful African American man named Billy and he is a teacher like her. They have a beautiful baby girl named Brelee. I also know people who are very happy living there lives as openly gay couples. I feel that if they are happy, then who am I to judge them? I don't care! Back in the 50's, you would have been out in the cold if you were in a relationship like that, or even accepted anyone who was in a gay/interracial relationship. Times have certainly changed people, and how we view others.
The moral of the story is this, no matter who you are, or where your from...we all have bad dates, it is how we chose to deal with them that matters. My choice, is to write about them. What will you do?
Peace~
Paula 7/28/2006 Time...Why do we focus so much on time? Why in this country, are we running from one place to another to get there "on time"? Why does one week seem to be so short when we are running around, yet when someone is sick and in the hospital...the time they spend there seems to be "forever"?
The biggest issue I see is why it seems to take no time when you do something yourself, yet when someone else does it...it never seems to get done?
Time has seemed to fly by for me in the past year...yet, for other people in my life (like my sister, friends, etc.) when they say something is going to get done...it never gets done. Nothing ever changes... They sit on everything they need to get done and complain about it not being completed! Why is that? Are they just people who do not follow through on tasks? Or, do they have their priority lists completely askew where they no longer know what is the most important thing to finish first?
When we pay someone to do something for us, for example photo developing why do they always have them done on time and sometimes, they are even done earlier than origonally promised? Yet, we pay doctors, lawyers, construction crews to work for us, and sometimes you wonder WHEN they will have everything done? Is this because they have TOO many clients to help, or TOO many jobs on their hands? I think so. I think that people tend to work "for the money" rather than "for the people" they are supposed to be helping.
Take for instance, my mom's doctor. When my mom goes in for an appointment with him, it costs anywhere from $95 - $150 dollars each time. She gets her vitals checked, and we wait...5, 10, up to 15 minutes for the doctor to come in. When he does, he asks her how she is, how she feels, he listens to her heart, checks her medications, and then says "OK, everything seems good, I will see you in two weeks." The appointment lasts all of 10 minutes! And yet she is paying him THAT much money EACH time she goes in to see her? I feel that she had better care from the RN's, and staff at the hospital when she was there, than the care she gets from him. The only problem now, is that mom's insurance ran out because she has not worked since April of this year. So, the insurance company has cut her off of disability, and is refusing to pay her hospital bill because after July 19th, she was no longer on an I.V., so they thought she should go home. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT? Why is it in this country we are so greedy for money, that we cannot even help those who are sick, and need care? Everything in this world relies on time and money...
Today has just been a bad day...please forgive my ranting and raving...somedays I just have to do it.
Thanks... 7/25/2006 Soul MatesHave you ever wondered if there was such a thing as "soul mates?" To wonder if there is actually ONE person in this world that you were supposedly meant to be with for the rest of your life. ONE??? Why is it just one? Why can't we have one "normal person", one "not-so-normal person", and one "famous person"...who sets up this listing? Are these "parings" made up before we are born, or when we are growning up? Is there a "higher power" involved?
Do we have a choice in who our soul mate is? We hear so much about soul mates in magazines and online with so many different ideas and definitions of how we find them or how they find us. How does one know when they have found their soul mate? Is it chemistry? Is it a physical feeling? Emotional?
What if we don't realize that we are with our soul mate and choose another path in life without that person? What happens then? Is there another soul mate out there waiting for us?
What if we never find our soul mate? Is there a soul mate in this world for everyone? Is it "natural selection", where only certain people have a soul mate waiting for them in this world? Is it only the rich people? The good people? What if we search for our soul mate and never find them? What if they never find us?
Is "soul mate" an idea that someone made up to completely mess up our lives? To make us search for that "perfect" mate. What if there is no such thing as the "perfect" mate? What if there is no such thing as a "soul mate"? Maybe it's all a fantasy, a dream we wish for in our lives?
There are songs, books, poems, and even horoscopes writen about soul mates. Have we become part of the soul mate marketing? I question these things each and everyday. What if my soul mate is or already has been in my life? Maybe searching for my soul mate is the reason I started this blog. I guess you could say that I have been sucked into that whole "soul mate" idea. Wondering if there is such a person who is perfect for me...or if I was not a chosen one who has a soul mate in this world, or if that person is still out there searching for me? I guess no one really knows the true meaning of a soul mate, and if there even is such a person in this world who is meant for just us......... 1/24/2006 The Material Things Part 2Here are my answers to the questions I posted in my last blog... *If you could be one of the following people which would you choose and what would you do with the money you made: 1.) A Movie/Music Star 2.) CEO of a Major Industry 3.) Work for a Major Non-Profit Agency (Red Cross, etc...) 4.) Computer/ Inventing Genius If I could be any of the following, I would be three out of the four, a movie star so that I could make a difference in the lives of others by utilizing my celebrity status. I would also work for a major non-profit agency because they are always trying to help make the world a better place. Finally, I would like to be a Computer/ Inventing Genius so that I could create some type of invention to solve the worlds major issues...war, pollution, ozone depletion, etc...
*If you had your choice in working for money, or working in a job you love, which would you choose? By far, I would choose a job that I loved over a job that made more money. If I didn't love my job, I would not want to do it.
*If you had to choose one of the following what would you choose and why? 1.) $1 Million Dollars 2.) A Diamond Ring of Your Choice from Anywhere 3.) Donation in Your Name To A Great Cause 4.) A $10,000 Gift Card To Your Favorite Store I would choose a donation in my name to a great cause. I have always given my time and heart to non-profit organizations. I would love to donate to Dolphin and Wolf causes. Actually any animal cause would be fine with me. I love them all. I would also donate to the Christopher Reeves Foundation. He lived his life with his heart, and that is what inspires me.
*Does money really buy you happiness and love? Never...Money is the root of all evil. Everything in the world in someway involves money. Even if I had money, I would not be happy because it would not buy me unconditional love, and make me truly happy for the rest of my life. Happiness comes from inside each of us. Material things are just that...material. We can replace them... true happiness and love are things that we can never "replace".
*If you had the choice to marry someone who was wealthy or someone who earns an average income which would you choose? (Average household income in the U.S. is roughly $40 thousand/year) Personally, it would have to depend on how much in common that other person and I have. Do we click? Do we complement each other? This question is like asking someone if they would rather marry someone who was extremely handsome / beautiful or someone who was just "normal". In my opinion, how much money someone makes or how someone looks does NOT make who that person is on the inside. That is what truly matters in life. 1/23/2006 The Material ThingsHi there everyone! I have been thinking about this after watching a television show called "Daddies Little Girl". When I found the article below, I wanted to share it with all of you and ask your opinions on the following questions. You can either leave a comment on here, or e-mail me with your replies. I am interested in hearing what you have to say!!! =] *If you could be one of the following people which would you choose and what would you do with the money you made: 1.) A Movie/Music Star 2.) CEO of a Major Industry 3.) Work for a Major Non-Profit Agency (Red Cross, etc...) 4.) Computer/ Inventing Genius
*If you had your choice in working for money, or working in a job you love, which would you choose?
*If you had to choose one of the following what would you choose and why? 1.) $1 Million Dollars 2.) A Diamond Ring of Your Choice from Anywhere 3.) Donation in Your Name To A Great Cause 4.) A $10,000 Gift Card To Your Favorite Store
*Does money really buy you happiness and love?
*If you had the choice to marry someone who was wealthy or someone who earns an average income which would you choose? (Average household income in the U.S. is roughly $40 thousand/year)
The next entry will have my answers to these questions so stay tuned! Till next time... Paula The High Price of Materialism TIM KASSER ~ Cambridge, MA There is little doubt that Americans are world-class when it comes to consumption. Consumer spending accounts for two thirds of U. S. economic activity (Beck, 2002). Americans constitute just 5% of the world's population but generate 30% of the World's Gross Product and consume nearly 30% of global oil production (Judt, 2002). So being able to have so much makes Americans happier than those less fortunate, right? Wrong, says Kasser. Rather, he says, research indicates that beyond having sufficient food, shelter, and clothing, "attaining wealth, possessions, and status does not yield long-term increases in our happiness or well-being" (Kasser, 2002, p. 42). Kasser bases his critique on humanistic and existential theorizing. On this view, materialistic values diminish our personal freedom. `To the extent that people value wealth, fame, and image, they correspondingly place less value on authenticity and freedom" (Kasser, 2002, p. 75). Kasser posits four sets of needs that are basic to the motivation and well-being of all humans. These are needs for safety and sustenance; for competence and self-esteem; for connectedness; and for autonomy and authenticity. He maintains that each of these needs appears to be unfulfilled when people focus on material pursuits. In capitalistic, consumerist cultures, such as the United States, however, the pursuit of extrinsic values such as external rewards and the praise of others are encouraged. Kasser cites research that he says indicates a definite pattern of psychological and physical problems associated with holding wealth, popularity, and image as important. Materialistic people, for example, reported lower life satisfaction and self actualization than non materialistic people. Materialistic people also experience more alienation in their social relationships than non materialistic people. Materialistic people are said to place less emphasis on their interpersonal relationships and to contribute less to their community. Materialistic values diminish our personal freedom, may negatively affect marriages, and are associated with low interest in environmental issues. 1/17/2006 New SpaceHey gang!
Just letting you all know that I am currently working on my own website where I will have more space, and more good stuff on it! I am going to try and have a ton of links, a comments section, an ask advice section, and lots of new photos! Please stick with me until I finish my space, and then I will be sure to post the address once I finish it up! Thanks! Until then, I will be leaving miscellaneous ramblings on here as I usually do. If anyone has any ideas, or items they would like to see on my new space, please let me know! I love hearing from all of you about new and interesting ideas that are out there!!
Talk to you all soon!
~Paula 1/2/2006 I'm Back...!!!Hello L. i. t. D. L. Gang!!!
It has been a while since I have written and tonight was as a good a night as any for me to get back on the blog bus!!! Let me say that I have missed you all dearly, and want to wish you all a belated Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I hope I didn't forget anyone in that mix of holidays...I tried to make sure I got them all nailed down!!
Looking back at last year, my life has changed drastically. Somewhat for the better and, somewhat for the worst. Someday soon I am sure that I will write all about it here online...but for now, I will just keep this entry plain and simple...
I hope that you all will stay tuned and keep checking in to the Life in the Dating Lane!!! I look forward to chatting with all of you (Remy, Rock, King, Jorge...) again!!!
As Always,
Paula 10/18/2005 I Got Flowers!!!It's a KODAK MOMENT ladies and gentlemen...
I got flowers today!! No card, so I have no idea who they are from, but there were a dozen peach/red tipped roses just sitting outside my door in a beautiful vase. I never go out/come in through that door, so would have never known they were there unless my neighbor upstairs would not have come down to tell me! I was in tears for about 10 minutes just looking at them, and smelling them. Oh, they were absolutely stunning. I have been going crazy trying to figure out who sent them to me, but there is no card, no business listed, no price tags...nothing to give me any indication of who / where they came from. Oh well, I am just going to enjoy them, and wonder just who could have sent them...
They look similar to the photo below, but they have yet to bloom fully...so this is kind-of what they are going to look like. I quote the movie, Bed of Roses;
Her friend, "Ooooh...someone has a secret admirer!"
Lisa,"Yea right, it's probably just a clerical error in the floral world...and besides I'm not the kind of person these things happen to."
Her friend,"But, to think, someone sent you flowers...your Prince Charming has finally showed up on his steed to sweep you off your feet."
Lisa,"I live on a little planet called reality, remember? I don't have time for someone in my life."
Her friend,"Yea, and besides...Prince Charming probably would have turned out to be a dick..."
Just for tonight, I am going to think that it wasn't a clerical error in the floral world!!! Peace~ Paula 10/16/2005 Dating ConfidentialI am writing this blog after reading the book, 'Dating Confidential' by Hedda Muskat...it has really helped me to wake up and "see the real dating light". I suggest this book for anyone who is single and still looking.
The number 1 way to overcome loneliness:
GET A PET. IF YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE, GET ANOTHER ONE. (Male Pug Dog Wanted...I have liked these dogs for a long time...and would love to have someone special to take walks with, and doesn't complain that my hair looks like I just got spit out of a tornado)
Catchy Ad Headers For Personal Ads Or Online Dating For Women Seeking Men:
My Favorites:
* Do you have my glass slipper? (I am SO using this one)
* Going fishing in a different pond.
* You must be over 5'10" to read this.
* Looking for sexy and stable...Is that too much to ask?
* I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures. (God, isn't this the truth...)
Tricks To Make Your Personal Ad Photo Pop:
My Favorites:
* Crop out the strip joint sign in the background...
* Don't stand in front of a yacht, unless it's yours...
* Smile and show your teeth. If you are missing them, get some before you post your photo...
* Don't have an arm slung around someone else's waist...
* If you're not extra lean, keep your shirt on...
* A joint in one hand, and a beer in the other is not a good idea...
* A mountain range in the background is nice, but not with your ex, on your honeymoon...
* Don't use your mug shot. Think of Nick Nolte...
Peace~
Paula 10/10/2005 What Would You Write If You Could Write A Message In A Bottle?My thoughts for tonight have to do with writing a letter to put in a bottle, and then throw it in the water in hopes that someone finds it. Just like the Nicolas Sparks book & movie, "Message in a Bottle" starring Kevin Costner, and Robin Wright Penn. He writes a letter to his deceased wife, puts it in a bottle, and then throws it into the ocean. A writer finds the bottle along the beach, reads it and then goes out to find the man who wrote the letter.
If I could write a letter...it would go something like this,
My heart may not be full, my life may not be perfect, and my mind may not be clear. However, my soul remembers the one who taught me about real love, happiness, and contentment. The soul remembers the one who looked inside of me and saw who I was on the inside instead of just the outside. The soul remembers the one who taught me what romance really means. The soul remembers the one who saw the goodness inside my heart for others. The soul remembers the one who would leave special notes around for me to find. The soul remembers the look in his eyes when we would see each other. The soul remembers the feel of his heartbeat when we hugged. The soul remembers the feel of his hand when he would touch my face. The soul remembers the feel of his gentle kiss. The soul remembers the sound of his voice when he sang our song. The soul remembers how it felt when he would wrap his arms around me. The soul remembers him, always.
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence." ~ T.S. Elliott
"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox
All the love in my heart, I give to you. Always.
***What would you write in your letter?***
Peace~ Paula
10/8/2005 What We Need In A RelationshipI think this is important for anyone, who is either looking for someone, is in a relationship, or even married to know what they want, need, and expect in a relationship. Sometimes, we can lose sight of what we want and need in a relationship because we get caught up in making our co-workers, friends, family, or significant others happy. I have been in this situation more than one time in my life. I forget what I need, and want and make sure that the other person in the relationship is happy/content. My thoughts used to be, "Whatever you want is great with me! If you are happy, then that is all that matters." I could have been totally miserable in that relationship, but if the other person was happy...then I didn't care about myself.
However, through time and much therapy, I have come to see the error in my ways and thoughts. I have learned that I am as important in any relationship as the other person. And that I have the right to say what I want, need and most of all, to be happy in that relationship.
Of all the things that are needed in any relationship, the most important one is communication. Without this, there would be no relationships. We need to be open, honest, and truthful in our communications with others to make any relationship work.
Secondly, there are two important things we need in relationships. They are honesty, and trust. Honesty is the backbone to making any relationship work. If you can't be honest with someone, then you are being unfair to them, and unfair to yourself by not telling the truth. Trust is a major issue in most relationships. Trust is a very difficult thing to find when you have been in bad relationships in the past. Someone told me once, after he had found his girlfriend making out with his best friend, to trust no one. For me, this was a very difficult concept to understand. I could see how he would feel that way, but I on the other hand, am very trusting of people. When first meeting someone, I have a "they have given me no reason not to trust them" thought. If something were to change, then I would have to take a step back and look at my trust level at that time. You need to have trust in yourself and others in order for any relationship to work.
Thirdly, respect. Plain and simple. Respect is an often disregarded need. No matter who the relationship is with, there is always a need for respect. If someone does not respect you for who you are, what you do, what you believe in, and so on, then they do not respect you, PERIOD. Respect is a factor that needs to be had on both sides of the relationship.
One last factor that I would like to bring up, is called self-actualization. I know, that is a pretty big word. But, what that means is when you are in a relationship, you need to remember who you are, what you like, what you don't like, who your friends are, etc...so that you do not lose yourself in that relationship. The worst thing that can happen in any relationship, is when one person takes away their life, to revolve around the other person. To like what the other person likes, to do what the other person wants to do, to act like that person acts...you stop your world completely, to focus on being engulfed in this other individual. This is one of the biggest mistakes people can make in a relationship. I have done it. I lost myself, and who I was so many times in relationships because I failed to see what I was doing to myself. I was alienating my friends, my family, anyone who was close to me. Except for that person whose life, I chose to revolve around. Remember, the most important thing in any kind of relationship...is remembering who you are!
In closing, I want to add...that sometimes you can find what you have always wanted in life, when you are not looking for it.... and then once you realize that it is there...you go and screw it up by doing something totally stupid! Been there...done that...
Peace~
Paula 10/7/2005 Back To BusinessHi all!!! Well, all is calm after the "MY RANT"...Apparently these morons that were calling me can read!!! I am amazed by that. They may be able to read, but their manners suck!!!
So, it is time to get back to my space and write about junk!! I love junk!! Ha, ha, ha...
I can't write much now...am going out to lunch with mom...so I will be back later on today to bring you another "lane" in my life!!!
Stay tuned...same bat time...same batty channel....
Peace~ Paula 9/27/2005 My Thoughts On Being Single At 31, With No ChildrenI was speaking with a friend of mine tonight about my space and the realizations that have come along with it. We began to talk about just how hard it is to be 31 and still single. He is divorced, has two great kids, and is busy with his job, and spending time with his kids. I was explaining to him just how hard it is to find someone out there who is still single (never married/separated/divorced), and with no children (besides the animal kind). For me, that has been the hardest thing to deal with when I am dating. I feel that if I had married earlier in life, and had children, I may not be writing this now. Or, maybe I would be a divorced, single mom, trying to make it on my own. No one knows just where I would be if maybe I took a different road in my life. However, I do know that it is very hard to find someone who is like me, single with no children around here.
I was telling my friend about purchasing my Halloween costume, and how much it affected me when I met a mother and her very young son also looking for a Halloween costume. The little boy was I am guessing less than 6 years old, and was absolutely adorable. I came next to them and asked if it was O.K. if I kind-of hung out with them seeing as though I have no children of my own, and I love to see little kids looking at costumes for Halloween. She more than willingly agreed, and I watched as she would put a "bear head" costume over his head. His head came up underneath the stuffed bear head, and she put a mirror in front of him and he giggled. I said to him, "That's not how a bear sounds, is it?" He looked at me, blushed and then let out a growl. His mother and I laughed so hard, I think the whole store heard us. He then tried a similar lion costume on. When he looked at himself in the mirror this time, he let out a big roar. However, he still wanted to try on more costumes. So, I found one on the rack that was a green dragon (stuffed head like the bear costume), I showed it to him, and he HAD to try it on. His mother put the "dragon" on him, then we showed him the mirror....that was it...he didn't want to take that costume off!! He giggled when I showed him a Barbie dress, and said, "You could be Barbie!" He blushed and said, "Noooooooooo, I don't think so." As he giggled the whole time. Him and his mother then went to look for "accessories" to go with the costume, as I kept looking for mine. I was walking around the store, when I came across a pair of children's slippers...green dragons. I grabbed them, turned around and saw the mother and son right in front of me. I said to her, "What about these? Do you think they will match?" the boy saw the slippers and immediately had to have them on his feet!!! At that point, he was a green dragon! After leaving the store, and getting to my car, I began to cry because I did not have children in my life to "dress-up" for Halloween, or to take out Trick-Or-Treating. I began to realize that my "Anna Valerios" was going to be without "Van Helsing." I was feeling sorry for myself that I did not have these in my life. No husband, no children. I know that there are some people in the world who cannot have children, and that I should not complain. I don't know how much time is left in my life to have children, or a family...but the one thing I do know, is that being single, with no children at 31, is harder than most people think.
Peace~
Paula 9/26/2005 Here It Is!! The Article Is Here For Your Reading Enjoyment!!9/26/2005 8:52:29 AM
Cruising the Dating Lane An Eau Claire woman shares stories about her quest for true love in a blog that’s received thousands of hits.
Christena T. O'Brien Leader-Telegram Staff Bad dates have outnumbered great ones, but Paula Bonnin still hopes to find her Mr. Right — unless aliens abduct her first. Two months ago the 31-year-old Eau Claire woman decided to share her “life in the dating lane” with others through a Web log, or blog, by the same name. “In my travels down the dating lane, I have crashed and burned, lost my way and even stopped at an occasional Holiday Inn,” the self-professed Carrie Bradshaw wannabe says in a message posted on her Internet sounding board. (Bradshaw is a columnist who “captures the lives of the lovelorn and the love-seeking” in New York City on HBO’s former series “Sex and the City,” which can be seen in reruns on cable TV.) “As you will come to find out, my personal life has not been the “As you will come to find out, my personal life has not been the greatest part of my life thus far,” Bonnin writes. “There have been more downs than ups, and my heart is now held together by (duct) tape. “Maybe … some of you can give me tips — or phone numbers if you’re a tall, eligible handsome man. Here is to the beginning of a great adventure … ” Bonnin’s blog has been a hit. MSN.com named the site, launched July 27, to its Best of Spaces list last month, and more than 70,000 people have visited — quite a feat for someone who didn’t think anyone would really read it. “I didn’t even know what blogging was,” she says, perched in a chair at her southside apartment with her laptop in hand. But she liked to write, so she thought why not compose on an online site? People are reading her blog and commenting on her troubles, and some even are asking for her advice on relationship quagmires of their own. “I’m not a professional (a fact she asserts often on her blog), but I tell people I can give them advice from where I’m at in my life,” she says. One of her male readers had been dating a 54-year-old woman for about five years. In the beginning, his girlfriend told the 49-year-old she didn’t want to marry again, but she later changed her mind. He states in an entry on Bonnin’s blog that he “acted inappropriately” and would like to smooth things over, and he asked the Bradshaw-in-training for insight and ideas on how to approach his love now. Here is part of her reply: “I don’t know just how inappropriate you were (he didn’t elaborate on his behavior) when she changed her mind about marriage, but I am guessing it wasn’t pretty and that she (was) a little upset at the time,” Bonnin writes. “So go out, pick flowers for her, make her an ‘I-screwed-up-and-I’m-sorry’ card, tell her how much you love her and want to work this out. “Even though the lack of communication may have been done on her part, it is always good to apologize for anything you may have done. Then talk, talk, talk, talk and talk some more until the cows come home.” In her own search for a mate, Bonnin is looking for someone who knows how to communicate — even if in a foreign language. (FYI: She knows some Czech and took Spanish in high school.) Honesty also is important to the 1992 North High School and 2003 UW-Stout graduate, who loves country music, movies and sports, particularly NASCAR. She’s a big Dale Earnhardt Jr. fan. Bonnin has a degree in business administration, but she’d rather pursue her love of writing — possibly as a columnist along the lines of Bradshaw, sharing tales of her “creatures from the deep,” the term she uses to refer to past dates and boyfriends — the ones who hurt her. “Yeah, I call them the creatures of the deep, but without them, I wouldn’t be here,” she says, laughing. On a more serious note, Bonnin finds writing about past loves therapeutic and a way to learn about her mistakes. And others can learn from her too, says Joan Anderson of Eau Claire, who noticed Bonnin’s blog when it was featured on MSN.com’s Best of Spaces list and has been reading it since. “It’s very interesting to read, and she has such a nice sense of humor,” the 62-year-old Anderson says, “and we can all relate to some of these things.” Bonnin’s roots in Eau Claire also caught Tom Hathaway’s eye in Chandler, Ariz. Hathaway, who reads her blog at least once daily, is a UW-Eau Claire graduate. “I enjoy her entries, as they keep me smiling and laughing,” he says. “If she has offered advice, it’s more humorous advice, nothing serious.” But he hasn’t ruled out using any of her words of wisdom in his life. “Since I’m looking for a queen at age 54, I like reading her dating stories from the female point of view,” says Hathaway, who refers to himself as King Tom in his e-mail. “Maybe that will help in my quest.” If not, just remember you either can laugh about things or get depressed, says Bonnin, who has done her share of crying, but hasn’t given up yet on finding true love. That is, if E.T. or the annoying Marvin the Martian don’t abduct her first. O’Brien can be reached at 830-5838, (800) 236-7077 or christena.obrien@ecpc.com. 9/25/2005 Welcome Leader-Telegram Readers, To My 'Life in the Dating Lane'!Hello, and welcome to my space!!! As most of you have read by now, my space is about my "so-called" dating life, and I also try to help others who are going down some of the same "roads" I have been on every now and then. What you will find here include some great photos I have taken from animals, to the Chippewa Valley Predators Football Team. No, they are not under the same category of "animals". I also have lists of my favorite books, websites, and music. My writing is rather scattered at times, from writing about a bad date, a good date (rarely happens on here), helping someone who asks for advice, or even fun stuff like guessing my Halloween Costume, and getting married to a celebrity online. I've done it...I was "married" to actor John Cusack (by the popular vote of my readers) online September 4th, 2005. Unfortunately, I am thinking about a divorce, seeing that George Clooney, Josh Hartnett, and John Cena are still single...what can I say...I'm a woman, I change my mind now and then....
The amazing people who come to this space not only make me smile, but they also take the time to help out when someone needs relationship advice. I have become friends with quite a few of the people who visit my space regularly, and hope that those friendships continue throughout my life.
On my space you will find a Category list, which include my past blogs. If you are looking to read any of my blogs, please check out any of the items in the category list and hopefully, you will find something you enjoy! While you are here, please feel free to leave a comment after one of the blogs. You will find at the bottom of a blog "Comments (0)", hit that link, and it will let you leave a comment on here! I appreciate any comments, questions, offers for dates, or even comments that you know, are related to, can contact, or could hook me up with any one of my "celebrity crushes" that are listed on the blog, "My Seven Things..."
 Again, thank you for taking the time to stop by my space and I hope you enjoy the ride! Remember, hands and feet must be kept inside the ride at all times!!!
Peace~
Paula And The Paper Is In....Well....the paper is in. I had to read it twice (two pages) to make sure everything was good. It was actually very good! I am very happy with the way it came out, and I have to thank Christena O'Brian from the Eau Claire Leader-Telegram, and Shane Opatz from the Eau Claire Press Company for coming over to my place to interview me and take my photos! I would also like to thank Tom "The King", from Arizona for taking the time to talk to Christena about his views on my space, as well as Joan A. from here in Eau Claire, whom I am praying for right now because her son from Florida is very ill, but she still took the time to talk to Christena as well, and left some wonderful comments!!!
I did get a laugh however when I looked at the cover page of the Lifestyles section...to the left of my article, there is a side 'bar" that has a photo of actor Gary Busey that states a quote from him...it reads as follows:
"I was going to offer a backstage pass to my imagination, but you'd never get out."
Why in a sad way, does that just sound like me?????????
After hitting the local grocery store to get the paper and a box of Sandies Simply Shortbread Cookies (breakfast for today....lower in calories...) I got back home to see that I had 2 phone calls while I was away. I knew one would be from my mother (mom's check-in, to see if I am still alive or not and to tell me all of the people we know who are saving the article for me...). But the other one was from a man whom I did not know, but told me he saw my article, and rattled on about being single, and hoping that we could talk sometime. Oh, God...and here I was thinking that the "creatures from the deep" were going to be breaking down my door to hound me for writing about them. No....my phone is now apparently turned into a "976-DATE" line... So far, no creatures have shown up. Thank God.
The article as I stated, is on two pages, and takes up the WHOLE page. So, I am going to try to scan in into my computer, but even if I did, I don't think you would be able to read it, the writing would have to be so small............I will do what I can, and see if the paper has it up yet on their site, and if they do, I will just place the link on here, so that it will be easier for you to read!!!
BTW, have any of you ever had the feeling at the grocery store that EVERY person there is looking at you??? I did. As soon as I walked into the store (with my "sweat pants, and a large hat disguise") there was the "cart guy" there telling me hello and handing me a cart. O.K. That's just toooooooo weird for me on a rainy Sunday morning...
Well, I am going to go and write another blog, welcoming in all of the Leader-Telegram readers....so, keep checking back...if I get a call from one of my "Celebrity Crushes" it will be on here!!!
Yea, like that's going to happen...I'm thinking the aliens would show up before that would happen!!!
Have a great day everyone!!
Peace~
Paula 9/24/2005 We Have A Winner For The Guess My Halloween Costume Contest...Ladies and Gentleman we have a winner for the Halloween Costume Contest!!!
The Milwaukee Bomber (Rock) has made the winning guess as to who I am going to be for Halloween!!!
I will be Anna Valerious from Van Helsing!
Anna is the female character who's family was once very powerful in Transylvania then slowly killed off by Dracula. Anna Valerious was played by Kate Beckinsale (Pearl Harbor). So, Congratulations to "THE ROCK" on his guess!!! Way to go!!! I will definitely be putting my pictures on here after Halloween!!! So, keep checking back to see them!!!
Only hours linger until the Sunday newspaper comes out... I am getting both anxious, nervous, nauseous, excited...you name it. I think I am feeling it right now. It is that whole "fear of the unknown" that scares me right now. Only, there are no fun ghostly entities to deal with here...Just the "old ghosts" that come along with dating...
I will be getting the paper as soon as I get up in the morning, and will be posting something as soon as I can. Pray that nothing bad will come from this, only good things, please? I can always use a little "divine intervention" now and then.
Thanks everyone!!!
Peace~
Paula |
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