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9/19/2005 Relationship Advice Needed...Woman who needs to avoid FedEx guys...Hey Gang! It's that time again...yes, a little relationship advice is needed!!! This poor woman needs some advice about how to ship off a FedEx man!!! Let's all rack our brains and see what we can come up with for her, O.K.? I am willing to help anyone out who needs some relationship advice! Just remember...I am not a professional therapist, and cannot be blamed for break-ups, divorces, any children who may come from my advice, or anything else remotely close to dating...O.K.??
A little help, please! Okay, it may be nothing more than it's a Monday morning and I haven't had nearly enough coffee yet - no, that's not it - I think it has more to do with the fact that after surviving 28 years on earth (about 10 of them dating years), I am slowly having the cold hard truth pounded into my head: no matter how positive you try to be, the truth about men always comes out. They only want one thing and they will go to any length to get it. For the past year, I have been very selective of the men I've dated. I mean very selective. I haven't even kissed a man in about a year because I've wanted to focus on quality rather than quantity. So, after about 2 months of talking to the attractive FedEx man at my work, he asks me out and I agree to go. Long story short... I agree to meet him and show him my new house... there isn't even any furniture there. It's the first house I've ever bought and I haven't even moved in yet. Well, I guess that wasn't going to stop the man from attacking me there! Granted, he finally stopped trying after about the 6th time I asked him to stop... and mind you, this was after 2 months of telling me about how he goes to church every Sunday and how respectful of women his parents taught him to be.. I avoided him the rest of the weekend, only returning his calls, yet making myself very scarce. So when he called last night around 11:00 to reach me to say he was sorry for the way he acted, I thought I would take it easy on him and I told him that it was fine and that we should probably just continue to chat at work. He got upset and proceeded to try and make me feel bad... I guess for just being there that night! Needless to say , I proceeded to tell him off (a girl can only take so much!). So, I'm just dropping by your space, as I usually do for a good chuckle on a Monday morning. Can anyone out there shed some positive light on this for me? I don't want to become one of those women who gives up and swears off men and begins collecting pet cats.. mainly because I am a dog person... the swearing off men doesn't bother me at all at this point.
~Jen
My thoughts on this issue...honey, go UPS next time!!! No, seriously, it sounds like this FedEx man needed some lovin' that he just FORGOT to tell you about. Oh, and just because he goes to church every Sunday, honey, that doesn't make him a Saint. Trust me...the "Sports Guy" I dated (see my archives) was Catholic, and attended church almost every Sunday. He has already passed purgatory, and is headed straight to hell. There is no "get out of hell free" card for this one!.... I think Mr. FedEx, needs to learn some manners!! His parents may have taught him respect, but his manners are way off! From the way it sounds, his "sorry for the way I acted" was a HUGE line of garbage by the way he reacted to your comment of just chatting with him at work. I think the first thing you need to look at is "taking it easy on him"....he did not grant you the same respect, so you should not return him the favor! You need to stand up for your beliefs, morals, and for you!!! You sound like a woman who has everything going for her, and deserves a great guy! This one, I would put on my "creatures from the deep" list and exclude him from any further contact. I know people tell me this all the time, however, I have yet to find one...but there is someone out there who is going to respect you, love you, and care about you, like you deserve! We take one thing from each of these people that we have known and we try to make the next relationship better from what we have learned. Don't swear off all men and go collecting cats (I have two real ones...they are the best "family" members you could ever ask for!). You can still collect cats (or dogs) and find a great guy in the process!!! I have a collection of what I like to call "inspiration rocks". Each of these rocks has a word, or phrase on it, that I try to use in my life..."Dream, Love, Hope, Faith, Wish, Laugh, Smile, and, Believe in Miracles." I look at these rocks when I need to have some inspiration, or to bring me up when I am down. No, they are not "pet rocks", they are "inspiration rocks". Try and find some of these at say a local craft store, or a little "country cottage" type store. They will help to remind you of what you want, and need in your life. Heck, make your own! Buy some craft paint in a color you like, find some interesting rocks somewhere, and put words on them that inspire you! If you do, the first one I would make up...is RESPECT! You deserve that! Tell Mr. FedEx to ship himself to some other woman who wouldn't mind his advances and flip-flop mind!!
I almost swore off men once, then I met my cowboy, he may be a strong part of my past, but maybe he isn't the one I was meant to be with either...so just remember this if nothing else:
Each man who comes into our life, if they are good to us or not, are stepping stones to get us to the one person whom we are meant to be with. 9/13/2005 Update on Sam: Relationship Advice NeededHere is an update from Sam: This is my best idea so far….. Put together a simple notebook of pictures of places and/or things we have done thru the years with a simple message -- I am sorry. What do you think? Several of you have raised a few questions I will answer. As you get older the “Let’s get married” issue gets a little more complicated. Her rational on why she didn’t want to get married fits in this complication of life. The older you get the more sense this makes. Her ex-husband got remarried and her only son moved out in the same month. Huge changes in a short period of time. I would love to do anything she wants to do. I have no problem marrying her. I just got use to her decision not to get remarried. You make decisions differently when your significant other doesn’t need to get married. Sam
This question came from a comment left on my blog from a genleman named Sam. Let's all try to help him out here...sounds like a communication problem here, gang. Although, I will say this...I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL...I DO NOT HAVE A DEGREE IN PSYCHIATRY, (PSYCHO-IATRY MAYBE, BUT NOT PSYCHIATRY!!!) So, Sam...what ever advice may be given to you on this blog is not, and I repeat NOT from a PROFESSIONAL...We are all just trying to find love in one way or another, so you can take the comments left for you to heart or with a grain of salt. Just remember, I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ISSUES, PROBLEMS, BREAK-UPS, DIVORCES...ECT...
"Hello. I need some relationship advice. I am 49 she is 54. We have been seeing each other for about five years. I love her madly. At the beginning of the relationship she was clear that she did not want to get married. I would have preferred not to shut that door. I learned to live with it, enjoying our wonderful time together. She suddenly changed her attitude about marriage. Or, perhaps, I never fully understood her attitude. I reacted inappropriately. I welcome any insight. Foremost to me is ideas on how to approach her now. I would to try to rekindle the relationship." Sam
From my stand point, Sam. What this sounds like is a woman who has changed her mind. As a woman, I have done this more than once (not this issue in particualr, just change my mind a lot). I would understand your confusion because what seems to happen is a lack of better communication on her part. Sure, we all have been in atleast one relationship where we wish it would have come to marriage (I had one of those), but I chose to hide those feelings because I was afraid to scare him off. Which, in the end, I did anyhow...so what do you do??? I can undersand where you would have acted inappropriately, because this caught you off guard, plain and simple. I think what you ned to do is to really sit down and communicate this with her, to help her understand what YOU were thinking, and how you are not a mind-reader and did not see this coming. You acted inapropriately because of being caught off guard, and you apoligize for that, and then just KEEP COMMUNICATING!!! That is one thing MOST people forget to do in relationships!! COMMUNICATE. As a woman who knows this has happened to me many times, both men and women are guilty of holding in feelings, needs, and wants. I don't know just how inappropriate you were when she changed her mind about marriage, but I am guessing it wasn't pretty, and that she is a little upset at this time. So, go out, pick flowers for her, make her a "I screwed up and I'm sorry" card, tell her just how much you love her, and want this to work out. Even though, the lack of communication may have been on her part, it is always good to apoligize for anything you may have done. Then, talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk some more until the COWS COME HOME!!!!!!! If you have ben together this long, I know that she loves you too and will welcome any kind of communication from you. Or....go buy a ring, and ask her to marry you! (O.K. do this AFTER you apoligize for acting inappropriately)... one thing I have learned from my Grandparents is that love can conqour all things. In this life and the next. If you love her that much...JUST DO IT!!!! Best of luck, Sam....all of us here at Life in the Dating Lane are rooting for you!!! Peace~ 9/8/2005 Relationship Advice Needed...Here is an update from Sam: This is my best idea so far….. Put together a simple notebook of pictures of places and/or things we have done thru the years with a simple message -- I am sorry. What do you think? Several of you have raised a few questions I will answer. As you get older the “Let’s get married” issue gets a little more complicated. Her rational on why she didn’t want to get married fits in this complication of life. The older you get the more sense this makes. Her ex-husband got remarried and her only son moved out in the same month. Huge changes in a short period of time. I would love to do anything she wants to do. I have no problem marrying her. I just got use to her decision not to get remarried. You make decisions differently when your significant other doesn’t need to get married. Sam
This question came from a comment left on my blog from a genleman named Sam. Let's all try to help him out here...sounds like a communication problem here, gang. Although, I will say this...I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL...I DO NOT HAVE A DEGREE IN PSYCHIATRY, (PSYCHO-IATRY MAYBE, BUT NOT PSYCHIATRY!!!) So, Sam...what ever advice may be given to you on this blog is not, and I repeat NOT from a PROFESSIONAL...We are all just trying to find love in one way or another, so you can take the comments left for you to heart or with a grain of salt. Just remember, I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ISSUES, PROBLEMS, BREAK-UPS, DIVORCES...ECT...
"Hello. I need some relationship advice. I am 49 she is 54. We have been seeing each other for about five years. I love her madly. At the beginning of the relationship she was clear that she did not want to get married. I would have preferred not to shut that door. I learned to live with it, enjoying our wonderful time together. She suddenly changed her attitude about marriage. Or, perhaps, I never fully understood her attitude. I reacted inappropriately. I welcome any insight. Foremost to me is ideas on how to approach her now. I would to try to rekindle the relationship." Sam
From my stand point, Sam. What this sounds like is a woman who has changed her mind. As a woman, I have done this more than once (not this issue in particualr, just change my mind a lot). I would understand your confusion because what seems to happen is a lack of better communication on her part. Sure, we all have been in atleast one relationship where we wish it would have come to marriage (I had one of those), but I chose to hide those feelings because I was afraid to scare him off. Which, in the end, I did anyhow...so what do you do??? I can undersand where you would have acted inappropriately, because this caught you off guard, plain and simple. I think what you ned to do is to really sit down and communicate this with her, to help her understand what YOU were thinking, and how you are not a mind-reader and did not see this coming. You acted inapropriately because of being caught off guard, and you apoligize for that, and then just KEEP COMMUNICATING!!! That is one thing MOST people forget to do in relationships!! COMMUNICATE. As a woman who knows this has happened to me many times, both men and women are guilty of holding in feelings, needs, and wants. I don't know just how inappropriate you were when she changed her mind about marriage, but I am guessing it wasn't pretty, and that she is a little upset at this time. So, go out, pick flowers for her, make her a "I screwed up and I'm sorry" card, tell her just how much you love her, and want this to work out. Even though, the lack of communication may have been on her part, it is always good to apoligize for anything you may have done. Then, talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk some more until the COWS COME HOME!!!!!!! If you have ben together this long, I know that she loves you too and will welcome any kind of communication from you. Or....go buy a ring, and ask her to marry you! (O.K. do this AFTER you apoligize for acting inappropriately)... one thing I have learned from my Grandparents is that love can conqour all things. In this life and the next. If you love her that much...JUST DO IT!!!! Best of luck, Sam....all of us here at Life in the Dating Lane are rooting for you!!! Peace~ 8/16/2005 My Beauty Shop Experience TodayI never honestly realized what a difference my past relationships could make in someone elses life until this afternoon. I was having my hair colored by a young lady at a local salon. She was only 22 years old, and she had been dating her live-in boyfriend for over a year now. We began to talk and I could see that she was upset about something. As she did my hair, we talked about her current relationship not working for her. I asked her a few questions, and then began to tell her about one of my past "creatures from the deep" relationships. She began to see what I had done in a similar situation to hers and began to realize what she really wanted. She had met someone else, but was not about to date him because she was "giving her current boyfriend a chance to change". I asked her out of the year they had been together had he ever changed anything for her? She said no. I then told her not to give him the extra time to "figure things out" or to "change his ways" because if he has been like this for a while, he will not change. Not only that, but you cannot make someone change for you. If you have to make someone change, they were not meant for you in the first place!!!! No one should have to change who they are, what they like to do, or what they believe in for ANYONE. As the time passed, and my hair was almost finished, I had told her about "J" and how much I wish I wouldn't have screwed that relationship up, and how I wish with all my heart I could be there, with him now. At that moment, she knew what she had to do. She had to get rid of the one year relationship that was not going where she wanted it to go, and go with her heart, for the guy she just met who has made quite an impression upon her. I told her to be honest with herself, and that she had to make herself happy first...not everyone else around her. Being a hairdresser, I could see where she would have problems with this...but she has got quite a strong head on her shoulders...and she knows what she wants in life. She is also a great beautician!! She did an excellent job with my hair, and I couldn't be happier!!! (You can somewhat see the end result in my new profile picture) After she was finished and I was getting ready to leave, she came and gave me a big hug. She said it was nice to talk to someone who knew something about what she was going through. I am hoping that for her, she does find happiness wherever she goes. I told her that if I had the chance, I would get in my car and drive to South Dakota and see "J". However, I don't think my ending would be as happy as hers. "J" has moved on now, is seeing another woman, and has his own life. It is a whole different story..............
In the words of "Zelda" the bulldog:
"Tears are a form of irrigation. Without tears we cannot grow." |
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